You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
