It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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