I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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