We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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