I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
