It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
