ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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