the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
