There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
