I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Is this like a preordered booty call?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
