no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
