drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
