lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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