yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
