I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize
