the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
there's paper in my vomit.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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