She is in my trunk
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
