you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
