whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
