Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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