This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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