i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
they need to just BURY HIM!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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