Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
