I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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