She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just had sex on a roof
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
