i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
