someone threw a dead crab at me
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
