Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
