so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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