I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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