see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
