the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
