sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
