I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
