so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Well I just put wine in my tea
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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