My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
