Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Randomize
