I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize