We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
