I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
