I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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