So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
