please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
