Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I fill condoms, not promises.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
