sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
