Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
