Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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