Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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