Cold hands, warm shart.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
