I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
