Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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