Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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