it's not cheating when I paid for it
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
