Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
