Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
