she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
