I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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