I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
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you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
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ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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