she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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