dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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