i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
