apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
