I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Dignity is for republicans.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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