Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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