I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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