Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
