this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
