my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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