If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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