Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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