Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you traded sex for a burrito?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
