I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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