The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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